Archive for the ‘All We Really Need Is Love’ Category

Andrea Frost pic2

I have been knowing Andrea, or “Frosty” as I call her for some years. Her (brutal) honesty, intellect, and positive outlook is always welcoming. She doesn’t know how to bullshit and I love that about her. I have interviewed Andrea for my books “Straight Dope” and “All We Really Need Is Love“, so I was jazzed to ask her about what dating is like in San Diego. Read on

  1. What’s your dating life like?

I would say it’s pretty non-existent. I dated for a little bit a couple of months ago, thought that I was ready, but I was wrong.

2. Why are you not ready?

It’s time consuming. If you are going to do online dating, you have to spend an inordinate amount of time. Much of it is seeding through emails, sending replies back, looking at other profiles…

So it’s like a part time job?

Yes it is! (laughs)

3. Lets keep it funky: why do you think you haven’t found someone?

Well it’s the timing thing, and also people say, “Well you are not on the right site, you gotta go to this one.” Also, it’s a connection thing. It’s hard to go out and meet someone that you don’t know, your friends don’t know. You are meeting a stranger and that’s really tough for me. I’m old school, so I much rather go on a date with someone my friends know or a friend of a friend.

4. What’s the worst online date you ever been online?

Well, I asked this guy to meet up and I feel that made him nervous. He then starts asking me questions about my body and is my hair color natural? He then asked what was my “Ass to stomach ratio?”

Are you serious?

Yeah (laughs). Is your stomach bigger than your ass?  My friends said that I should have been done with the conversation, but I felt I needed to meet him to let him know he should not ask that (laughs). So we meet up and he is nothing to write home about, totally average. The guy then starts telling me how much money he could make with his job, but he wasn’t. So my stomach could have been three times the size of his stomach and he still would have been a buster.

 5. What’s it like dating in San Diego?

It all depends on what kind of men you like. I prefer African American men but there are very few here. Plus there is the body type thing. I am not the skinniest, but I am not a whale either. My stomach to ass ratio is still on point, but its California, Southern California at that. It isn’t like the Mid-West where men like a little meat on their bones.

6. You think men in Southern California like the skinny minis?

They like Spinners (laughs).

7. Do you kiss on the first date?

It depends on who it is, but I would. He better not ask to kiss me. That is the lamest shit ever.

Come on though Andrea! This is the age of consent (laughs). We don’t want to violate women.

Men need to be perceptive, if she is not feeling your vibe, you should know that.

90% of all communication is non verbal…

8. Biggest turn ons?

Old school gentlemen shit: opening doors, walking on the outside of the street, stuff like that.  Being able to have a conversation. I don’t care about sports; I want to have a deep discussion. Finally, I like a nice smile. No yuck-mouths.

9. What’s your advice to men when they create online dating profiles?

Please do not type everything in all caps. Do not yell at us and be angry. Don’t put up selfies of you half naked in the bathroom.

10. Anything else?

Be honest. If you are 5’5, then put 5’5 on your profile. If it asks my weight, I am going to put down what I weigh. If someone is going to love you, they should love you for you. It doesn’t matter if you are short, fat hideous, just be who you are.

 

To be apart of “10 Questions,” please contact me on @lovemelovebook on Twitter or email at info@mainlinepub.com

Purchase the new book “All We Really Need Is Love: Stories of Dating, Relationships, Heartbreak, and Marriage” at Amazon.com

Cassandra

 

Cassandra is a smart, spunky woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and what she will and will not put up with. In other words, she doesn’t play any games. I have been wanting to talk with Cassandra for a long time, so we made it happen over drinks at Local Edition. She and I chat about dating in San Francisco as a Black woman, the need for good communication, and why she will never lower her standards.

1. What is it like dating as a Black woman in San Francisco?

It takes a lot of energy for little result. For some reason, online dating- Tinder, Match, all of those things- men talk to you differently than they would talk to a white girl. For some reason they have bought into the sexualization of Black women. Two or three messages back and forth with a guy and he is asking me how big my butt is, how big my breasts are, and to show more pictures.

Are you serious?

I’m like, “Does this work for you? Are you doing this because I am Black?” It is always about my body, the stereotypes…..

2.  How do you normally meet men?

Online, but I wish I could meet them organically. The problem is people don’t look and talk to each other.  We are so disconnected from everything. Social media reinforces our little worlds, so why should we look at one another?  We have the friends we want, the news stations that deliver the kind of news we want.  So when people are not looking at each other, we miss out. It’s as if we don’t know how to connect.

3. How do you feel when men hit on you when you are out and about? Do you find it invasive?

Well it is the way it’s being done. Today, on my way to work a taxi cab driver slowed down around me and asked me to come over. I thought he was lost and maybe he needed directions, so I go over and he says, “You are so beautiful, can I take you out sometime.” I thought it was creepy. A: I don’t know you and B: you drive up on me and it’s 8:30 in the morning….

Damn, men cannot win…… (laughs)

I know.  Women are so on the defense now that everything y’all do is creepy which isn’t fair, because we could miss out on our blessings. But as a woman, we err on the side of caution.

4. When was the last date you were on?

Good date or just date? (laughs)

Just a date.

About 10 days ago with a guy I met at a speed dating event.  We met for coffee and had a good time. He is just like me, very engaging and lots of energy. Hopefully we will see each other again.

5. What are your top three must haves/deal breakers with a man ?

Integrity, passion – not just for me but for what he wants in life, and a good communicator.  The deal breakers are when I am sexualized very early. If we are two to three messages in, I don’t want a dick pic.

I will never understand the dick pic. How is that supposed to turn somebody on?

I think men are obsessed with what they have and cannot fathom the idea of a woman not being obsessed about it too (laughs). I don’t like dishonesty. Just tell me who are. If your picture looks one way and you present yourself another, that is bad. And finally, a lack of confidence and sense of self. A confident man walks in the room and all the females light up. I love a confident man.

6. What makes a great date?

I think good conversation is important. It should be free flowing and not teeth pulling. Ambiance is important too. I want to be romanced. Yes I make my own money, but I want to be wined and dined.

7. One complaint I have heard from women is that when on a date, the average man can’t hold a decent conversation. All he does is talk about himself. Do you find that to be true?

Absolutely, especially men in their 20’s. The conversations have this networking feel to it, like they are constantly boasting about themselves. Women don’t want to hear that, we want you to ask us about ourselves and get to know who we are.  Send us flowers, write a note. It sounds cliché, but we are very easy to please and it has nothing to do with money. It is about being attentive, noticing the little things, and doing things that say “I see you, I appreciate you.”

8. What’s changed for you dating as a woman in her 20’s versus in your 30’s?

When I was in my 20’s it was all about getting attention and immediate gratification. I was not trying to build a life with someone or looking for substance. At 35, I am looking for someone who is solid and can challenge me. But that is so hard to find. So many men are married or coupled up.

9. Do you think men hold all the cards in today’s dating scene?

I think women over time have allowed men to hold all the cards. We gave up our power to be in competition with each other. For example: if I reject a man, then there is always a woman that is willing to do what I won’t do. Until the man wants something different like a real woman, there will always be girls.

10. Do you ever feel like you have to lower your standards because you are lonely?

I have done that. Here is the thing: Everybody wants to be held, to be told that they are beautiful, to feel wanted. But that is us giving up our power and that gets us nowhere. You end up dating someone that is not good for you and I won’t do that again.

 

To be apart of “10 Questions,” please contact me on @MainlineLeRon on Twitter or email at info@mainlinepub.com

Purchase the new book “All We Really Need Is Love: Stories of Dating, Relationships, Heartbreak, and Marriage” at Amazon.com

For the inaugural 10 Questions interview, I chose Rachel. She is a dynamic person that I met through my girlfriend. While we may tease each other on our eating habits (she dreads my love of McDonalds, I don’t understand her dislike for bread), Rachel and I always have a good time whenever we get together. She has a great spirit and I always love to hear about her dating adventures. Check out our conversation…

Me: What is a perfect date for you?

Rachel: I would say it would be spending time outside, having some really good food, maybe some soul food, and kinda people watch. We would have a connection as far as conversation goes, whether it be spirituality or what life is about.

What is your type of person you like to date?

Somebody that I can have a spiritual connection with. Someone that has faith and who is working on growth. I love when they have optimism and gratitude.

What is dating like for you today?

Well I had my first date in four months…

Really, due tell (laughs).

Well it was just like how I described my perfect date: We walked through the park and spent four hours chatting about ourselves, things that we enjoy, what we want, and our situations.

How did you meet him?

Tinder (laughs).

What are some of the things you found attractive about him?

Well, he was incredibly funny in a dorky way and I really liked that. He had a very interesting perspective on life, like he was in the moment kind of go with the flow guy.

Will you see him again?

Definitely.

What do you think is the biggest mistake people make when dating?

Expecting that the other person will fulfill anything you are lacking. And jumping to sexuality too quickly. People should get to know who I am first before trying to get laid.

Yeah I know what it’s like to be viewed as a piece of meat… (we both laugh).

Biggest turn-ons?

I like someone that is inspiring, has a good attitude, has a spiritual relationship with their higher power, and has a great natural scent.

If you’re out and you see a guy that you find attractive, will you approach him or do you expect the guy to approach you?

It flows both ways. If it is something about them, I will say something, but sometimes I will let them approach me.

Any tips for people out here searching for love?

I think the most important thing is to know what you want and not have huge expectations when you meet someone. Just enjoy the time and take it as it goes.

To be apart of “10 Questions,” please contact me on @MainlineLeRon on Twitter or email at info@mainlinepub.com

Purchase the new book “All We Really Need Is Love: Stories of Dating, Relationships, Heartbreak, and Marriage” at Amazon.com

 

 

 

 

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

All We Really Need Is Love

A compilation of relationship stories from first dates to soulmates

San Francisco, CA- LeRon Barton, Author of “All We Really Need Is Love,” recently announced the launch of “10 Questions,” an interactive social media deep dive on personal relationships. Inspired by The Beatles song “All We Need Is Love”, Barton embarked on a journey to take an honest look into relationships and how people feel about love. Barton’s new series is set to kick-off on March 21st, 2016. The series will run on Twitter under @MainlineLeRon and mainlinepub.com.

In his book, “All We Really Need Is Love,” we meet Edgar, a young teenager who shares the excitement of a first love, Bill who shares the nervousness of proposing to his long-time girlfriend, Sally who traveled thousands of miles to be with her special someone, and Mark, a young man who realizes he met his soulmate. “I love talking about relationships and wanted to showcase how people feel about dating in a fun, quirky, and sometimes racy way” says Barton. His new series, 10 Questions, is a fun, flirty and occasionally serious continuation of the relationship stories in “All We Need Is Love.

LeRon not only shares countless accounts of happiness and true bliss, but his book & series also explores the unfortunate accounts of why relationships break apart with stories & questions of betrayal, divorce, and heartache. The book “All We Really Need Is Love” is available on Amazon.com.

About LeRon L. Barton: LeRon is a writer from Kansas City, Mo. who currently resides in San Francisco, CA. He has been writing poetry, screenplays, and short stories since he was way young. LeRon’s essays have appeared in Salon, The Good Men Project, Those People, SF Bayview, Buzzfeed, Gorilla Convict, and Elephant Journal.His  first book, “Straight Dope: A 360 degree look into American drug culture” was released in Feb 2013.

 

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For more information contact Porsha C. Jackson at porshacjackson@gmail.com or 510-827-7457. LeRon Barton can be reached at mainlinepub.com, twitter.com/MainlineLeRon, and facebook.com/ninjagaiden78

Portrait Of Loving African American Couple In Countryside

 

It’s 2016 and everyone is online. You shop online for groceries, watch movies, make travel plans, connect with friends, buy snuggies, etc. So it is not a stretch for you to get a date online either. Look, it doesn’t have the same creepy stigma it did ten, fifteen years ago. Now instead of going to the bar or a live show, you can find your mate through Match, Ok Cupid, or mobile apps like Grindr and Tindr. While the methods of hooking with someone may have changed, the same rules of chivalry and courting still apply. As an online dating vet, I was in the trenches for a year and have seen some good and not so good. Through those experiences, I wanted to pass along eight tips that I believe will help you win the battle of internet love, or at least help you come out alive. Reading these, you may say. “Dude these are no brainers.” But after the stories I have heard from women, I feel these suggestions need to be given.

  • Confidence, not ego, is key! – There is a reason I listed this one first. Confidence should be the building block for everything you do. Women like a man who is self assured and knows who he is. Don’t be arrogant and cocky – no self-respecting, emotionally healthy woman would want this – but have self esteem. Confidence shows and is infectious.
  • Dress to impress – How you dress says a lot about you. Don’t go for the whole T-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, even if you are meeting at beach. Put some thought into what you are going to wear. If you are not a stylish person, find a friend who is and get them to help you out. There is no shame in that.
  • Keep it original – Don’t go for the whole “Dinner and a movie”, “grabbing drinks,” or “getting coffee” date. Do you know how many of those dates she has been on? Bring some flair to it: you want to stand out in the crowd. Think of something outside the box, like going to the museum, dessert, karaoke, working out, laser tag, something other than the standards.
  • Spend practical – There is no need to spend a lot of money on the first date. You are just getting to know this person. There is no need to take her to a Michelin star restaurant or opening night at the opera. The great Tariq Nasheed once said, “Never spend over 40 bucks” and I live by that. You can have a good time without going to the poor house. Besides, if you break the bank during the first meeting, then she may think that is what you are going to do all the time.
  • Listen please! – So many women I have gone out with tell me that guys don’t listen and want to ramble on and on about themselves. My man, it is not about you. She doesn’t care about your Madden 2015 12 game winning streak or listen to you go on and on about the ‘57 Chevy you restored. The whole purpose of the date is to get to know her, not pump yourself up with all the things you own and your accomplishments. Ask her questions and listen. Good conversation should be an equal talk, listen, like a dialogue.
  • Be on time – This is a big one for me. Being respectful of her time shows that you care about the date. No one wants to be waiting for someone. If you happen to be late –  text, call, or send some kind of communication. Don’t be that guy.
  • Come with an open mind – This is the first meet. Both parties are going to be a little nervous and let’s be honest, they probably won’t look exactly like their profile picture. But this is just a first date. Don’t strike them out because of something goofy that they said (unless it is racist, or hella insulting – then immediately bounce) or be all Judgy McJudgerson on them. Remember, you are just getting to know this person, there should be no pressure. Keep it light. No need to be planning the wedding.
  • Be yourself and own it– This is probably the most important thing on this list. I am gonna keep it real: I have a stutter, and sometimes it comes out when I am nervous and excited. Some women find it endearing and some are probably thinking, “He needs hooked on phonics.” Nevertheless, this is who I am. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, you probably won’t have a great date. So be you. And if she does not like who you are, oh well. There are always other women.

 

Purchase All We Really Need Is Love at Amazon now!!

 

 

leron1calig7

Anthony, 41

I realize that any relationship has to be nurtured and that takes effort.

I just got out of an intense what I call “love bubble” that just got busted. It was a long distance relationship coming off of a three year bout of celibacy, mixed in with a round of twenty-somethings.

I have a biracial background – my dad is African American and my mom is white. I grew up in a predominately wealthy white suburban town. I graduated from UC Santa Cruz with a degree in Religious Studies, and I am a practicing Buddhist.

I started noticing girls when I was 12 years old. Matter of fact, I had my first sexual experience at 12.

Damn!

She was 15 (laughs). The girl came home with me on a Friday and we slept together until Monday morning.

How did you know this young lady?

We met each other through mutual friends.

Growing up, my parents were never together. They met in 1971 and were both kinda hippies. They got together and just really fooled around. My parents were never a couple and never got married. They just hung out and out came me.

Was your father in your life?

No. He was a pretty absentee father. I eventually lived with him from 13 to 18, but it was lame. When I lived with my Mom, my sister took care of me because my mom was a partier. She couldn’t really control me, so when I would get into trouble she would ship me off to live with my father. When I got to New Jersey my father didn’t know what to do, so he told me, “I never had a dad, so why should you have a dad?” So he basically gave me money to do whatever I wanted to do and to stay out of his hair. .

Seems like you were able to move around and do whatever you want…

Yeah, but I think he has serious issues with his father and those things carried over to me. The thing about my mother and father is that neither one settled down. My mom would go after the bad boy type and had multiple relationships. She never married and neither did my father. After his retirement, my father moved back out to California. He is engaged to one woman in Connecticut, but has two girlfriends out here.

 Seeing the misadventures of your parents, do you think that has skewered you to look at dating differently?

Yeah I definitely think so because I didn’t get to see the traditional male and female relationship. I saw the opposite of what that was. There was a lot of sex, a lot of (pauses)… I saw everything but normal marriage. And because of that I think I am very much like my dad, not getting attached and having multiple women in my life.

That sounds like how I was …

Yeah man, not having that relationship can really taint the way you view women.

This is true.

The first girlfriend I ever had was Amy. I was in the 9th grade living in Atlantic City, NJ and she lived in Ocean City about 45 minutes away. Her family was from Virginia and racist, so what we did was for three years we hid it from her parents. When it was time for Amy’s parents to meet me, we would send a guy over to her house and pretend that he was I. Our senior year, her sister found out about me and told her father I was African American.

How did her sister find out?

We told Amy’s sister because we thought we could trust her. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but obviously it was. When Amy came home, her dad said, “How is your nigger boyfriend?” Amy’s jaw hit the ground and he flipped out, putting hands on her and calling her all kinds of this and that. Amy then ran away and came over to my house and stayed with me. My dad had to deal with that from being with my mom, so he was very sympathetic and let her stay with us for a while. Amy ended up going home because I couldn’t let her choose between me and her family. That was really tough because we were high-school sweethearts. Who knows, we could have been married. But because of her racist parents, I lost the love of my life.

At 18 I moved to Santa Cruz, a whole different world. At that point my heart was broken and I wasn’t into having a girlfriend and getting attached. My heart was just off.

In retrospect, do you ever think you ever got over Amy?

Yes and no. It still has a lingering affect. I feel that I didn’t get over it and that’s why I didn’t let myself get attached to anyone. I started seeing multiple women, looking to get validated, trying to fill that void, and to feel good about myself.

Do you have any contact with her?

Unfortunately no.

A little after being in Santa Cruz, I got into The Dead. I was on a Greatful Dead tour for about nine years, over 500 Dead shows, and over 150 Jerry shows.

And I know with those shows there was a crazy amount of women…

There was a lot of sex, lots of drugs, and lots of open relationships so yeah…

After Amy, I would tell women, “You can be the one and we can date, but you won’t be the only one,” and I was always honest about that. I feel that gives the other person an option to make an intelligent choice. The last thing I want is a woman coming up to me and saying, “You used me, you lied to me, and you took advantage of me.” I told you where I am, what I can offer, and you made the choice. But it always gets complicated. Someone gets attached, someone always gets their feelings hurt, and their heart broken.

From 1989 to 1992, I literally had a harem of girlfriends, like 20 girlfriends from every state The Dead tour stopped at. I liked it because I had no attachments and plenty of fun. One morning I woke up in a hotel room in Hawaii with three women in bed, a bunch of money, a bunch of drugs and I said, “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” I looked at my life and decided that’s not what I want for myself. I took advantage of what was at my disposal, but sleeping around didn’t have any meaning anymore. So I made a decision that day to do one or two things: move to Costa Rica and start a business or find a girl and play house. Then I started dating Holly.

Me and Holly knew each other for a couple of years. I ran into her while seeing one of The Dead’s Mardi Gras shows. We had a good time and after that, we decided to play house. Holly is from Georgia and was into sewing, cooking, making clothes, and taking care of the house. So I was like, “You take care of me, I’ll take care of you.” I moved us into a beautiful house in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Things were great, but we weren’t together because we loved each other, we were together because we wanted to play house. Holly wanted a man to take care of her and I wanted a woman to take care of me. I am a traditional type of guy: I wanted a woman to cook and clean. You let me go to work and you can take care of everything else. So we did that for a while but resentment built up. Holly didn’t like being captive at home, so the relationship fell apart. After Holly I met Jan.

Jan and I were together for three years. We met and got to know each other because we were both into gardening. We became friends and then business partners. Jan at the time was married, but in a loveless marriage that was all about the money they had together. They didn’t have sex, there was no intimacy, and were just married on paper. I was kind of a life coach for her because Jan was on heavy pharmaceuticals. Within two years of our friendship we became really close and ended up sleeping together. It went on from there. Jan would come to my house and spend about a week and her husband knew where she was going. He would even pack the bag for her.

During the relationship with Jan, I realized she was too much for me to handle.

Was she too needy?

She was very needy. I was her life coach, lover, friend… Here was the final straw: she loaned me $30,000 to buy a house. After I bought it, guess what she did a few weeks later? Moved herself in.

It’s true what they say, nothings for free.

So we did that for two years and I got tired of her flipping out on me. I’d have to get a hotel room or stay at a friends house. After that I just got frustrated with women and took a three year hiatus from them.

What was that like?

It was great. I grew plants, ordered in, and just really took some time for myself. I then came out of that and really wanted a relationship again because I felt had something to offer. Soon after, I ran into Jasmine, the woman who I would be in my most recent relationship with. What’s interesting is we met when she was 15 and I was 18 at a Greatful Dead concert. Jasmine knew I was a bad boy, but she had a crush on me. So we ran into each other last April and we hit it off. Jasmine is an intense person. She owns six acres of property, has a beautiful house in Humboldt, and two high end glass pipe shops. Being with Jasmine was great at first. We would have made a great couple. We are both Libras; financially savvy and similar in so many ways. The thing is, she is selfish and likes money. I mean I like money, but she is just…

I started seeing cracks in the relationship when she defended her friend who ripped me off over some money.

How did he rip you off?

I gave him a bunch of stuff to go to Chicago with, and he fucked up and never paid me.

So he fucked up the work…

And I never got paid.

This why I say everyone can’t be a hustler. The game aint in certain folks.

It was other things too. She was really weird with money like I would give her anything. If she needed $1000.00, I would give her $1000.00, whatever you need. But with her, I didn’t get that back. One day I  decided to test her, so I asked, “Hey, can you loan me $500.00?” She told me, “I really don’t loan out money.” I thought, “Good to know. I can’t even ask you for a simple loan.” I didn’t even need the money, I just wanted to see if she would do it. There was also the fact that she didn’t want to work together, she wanted to keep everything separate. So I thought, “What do we have?” We don’t get along intellectually, spiritually, and we don’t work together, so what is this? Is this a sex relationship? If that’s what it is, cool. So I just decided to leave.

Are you heartbroken with how the way things turned out?

Yeah basically. I have always done it three ways: celibacy, multiple women, or find that one woman. So the majority of the time I date multiple women because it is easier and simpler, and it comes from being heartbroken.

Do you think you’ll ever find….

I hope so. I feel confident because I want to start a family at 45 and I’m 41 right now. To be with the type of woman I want, I need to be an amazing guy. But I don’t feel an immediate sense of urgency. A lot of women that I come across with though, their biological clock is ticking. Like I’m talking to this woman who is 37 and she wants to jump into something serious now and I am trying to take my time. I want the relationship to be right before I start a family.

Right now I’m into polyamory and the reason why is a lot of us are in the same situation. We don’t have the time, energy, or desire to be in a relationship but we desire intimacy. It’s great because when you go to a poly event or party, you get involved with a specific play group. The first party I went to I was coming out of a relationship and the first thing I wanted to do was give a woman a massage. I didn’t want anything other than that.

Just a massage?

Yes, I just wanted to feel a connection. I didn’t want sex.

The type of woman I am looking for is someone that can put the breaks on. Two of me is bad news. The women I typically go for are college educated, career, and family oriented. I don’t like partiers because I am a partier and two partiers don’t work out well. And most importantly, I need someone who is supportive.

What is love?

It means that I care about you in the true sense of the world. I’ve realized that any relationship has to be nurtured and that takes effort. It takes time, patience, and growing together and learning. The big thing is compromise. Love and compromise go hand and hand.

Buy All We Really Need Is Love here

leron1calig7

Starting December 14, 2015 to December 26, 2015 , I will be on a virtual book blog tour with Reading Addiction Tours. Below are the websites and tour dates:

December 14, 2015 – Reading Addiction Virtual Book Tours (kick off)

December 15, 2015 – Fantastic Feathers

December 16, 2015 – Texas Book Nook

December 17, 2015 – Steamy Side

December 18, 2015 – My Reading Addiction

December 19, 2015 -Always Jo Art

December 20, 2015 – A Life Through Books 

December 21, 2015 – Novel News Network

December 22, 2015 – The Indie Express

December 23, 2015 – On A Reading Bender

December 26, 2015 – RABT Wrap Up