Archive for January, 2016

Portrait Of Loving African American Couple In Countryside

 

It’s 2016 and everyone is online. You shop online for groceries, watch movies, make travel plans, connect with friends, buy snuggies, etc. So it is not a stretch for you to get a date online either. Look, it doesn’t have the same creepy stigma it did ten, fifteen years ago. Now instead of going to the bar or a live show, you can find your mate through Match, Ok Cupid, or mobile apps like Grindr and Tindr. While the methods of hooking with someone may have changed, the same rules of chivalry and courting still apply. As an online dating vet, I was in the trenches for a year and have seen some good and not so good. Through those experiences, I wanted to pass along eight tips that I believe will help you win the battle of internet love, or at least help you come out alive. Reading these, you may say. “Dude these are no brainers.” But after the stories I have heard from women, I feel these suggestions need to be given.

  • Confidence, not ego, is key! – There is a reason I listed this one first. Confidence should be the building block for everything you do. Women like a man who is self assured and knows who he is. Don’t be arrogant and cocky – no self-respecting, emotionally healthy woman would want this – but have self esteem. Confidence shows and is infectious.
  • Dress to impress – How you dress says a lot about you. Don’t go for the whole T-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, even if you are meeting at beach. Put some thought into what you are going to wear. If you are not a stylish person, find a friend who is and get them to help you out. There is no shame in that.
  • Keep it original – Don’t go for the whole “Dinner and a movie”, “grabbing drinks,” or “getting coffee” date. Do you know how many of those dates she has been on? Bring some flair to it: you want to stand out in the crowd. Think of something outside the box, like going to the museum, dessert, karaoke, working out, laser tag, something other than the standards.
  • Spend practical – There is no need to spend a lot of money on the first date. You are just getting to know this person. There is no need to take her to a Michelin star restaurant or opening night at the opera. The great Tariq Nasheed once said, “Never spend over 40 bucks” and I live by that. You can have a good time without going to the poor house. Besides, if you break the bank during the first meeting, then she may think that is what you are going to do all the time.
  • Listen please! – So many women I have gone out with tell me that guys don’t listen and want to ramble on and on about themselves. My man, it is not about you. She doesn’t care about your Madden 2015 12 game winning streak or listen to you go on and on about the ‘57 Chevy you restored. The whole purpose of the date is to get to know her, not pump yourself up with all the things you own and your accomplishments. Ask her questions and listen. Good conversation should be an equal talk, listen, like a dialogue.
  • Be on time – This is a big one for me. Being respectful of her time shows that you care about the date. No one wants to be waiting for someone. If you happen to be late –  text, call, or send some kind of communication. Don’t be that guy.
  • Come with an open mind – This is the first meet. Both parties are going to be a little nervous and let’s be honest, they probably won’t look exactly like their profile picture. But this is just a first date. Don’t strike them out because of something goofy that they said (unless it is racist, or hella insulting – then immediately bounce) or be all Judgy McJudgerson on them. Remember, you are just getting to know this person, there should be no pressure. Keep it light. No need to be planning the wedding.
  • Be yourself and own it– This is probably the most important thing on this list. I am gonna keep it real: I have a stutter, and sometimes it comes out when I am nervous and excited. Some women find it endearing and some are probably thinking, “He needs hooked on phonics.” Nevertheless, this is who I am. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, you probably won’t have a great date. So be you. And if she does not like who you are, oh well. There are always other women.

 

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